Dieting vs. Menopause... Who Will Win?

When you're trying to behave
and eat your Special K,
When you try to tie your sneakers
but your gut gets in the way.

When one bowl of cereal
turns miraculously into two,
When you only have three outfits
even close to fitting you.

When you're glad your mate is beefier,
let's face the truth, I know,
It makes you feel much smaller
when you're with him on the go.

When you buy the stalks of celery
and dip generously in the hummus,
But eat the double double (gorilla style)
'cause, by far, it seems the funnest.

When the sun, the yard, and the pool
start beckoning you to come near,
And you throw on a towel or a moo-moo
'cause all bathing suits you fear.

You have two choices that I'm aware,
or maybe four or three.
It's time to diet. it's time to give up.
or it's time to just be free.

Menopause I yield to you;
I cry uncle; I acquiesce.
I'll accept the crying, the hot flashes and bloat,
But I'll take no more... and I guess no less.

So one day it'll be egg whites
with fresh vegetables galore,
And the next day I'll have french fries,
and onion rings, and more!

As long as I am living,
as long as I can care,
I'll be in love with every food,
And I'm not very likely to share.